arcēology

CITY OF 15 WEEKS – An ordinary blueberry bagel with cream cheese stepped up to the paper plate today to cure one woman’s pregnant woes.

The mid-twenties woman, Amy, had been gripped by sluggishness and nausea all day, despite the efforts of a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats, a peanut-butter sandwich and a baggie’s worth of Sun Chips.

She called her husband in a panic, requesting of him one wish: That he delay his fishing trip by 15 minutes to please, please, purchase her a toasted blueberry bagel with a side of cream cheese from a very special bakery across the street from his workplace.

He said that he would “think about it,” but she knew that her pleading tone had him right where she wanted him: at the bakery. This was confirmed by a phone call 30 minutes later, during which she spoke her order into the phone and generously opted out of the time-consuming “toasted” so that her kind and doting husband could meet up with his buds closer to the planned time of departure.

“They will all understand,” she said, referring to his impending tardiness.

“Yes, yes, they will,” he said, noting that his fishing buddies know from first-hand experience what it’s like to be in his boat, which is currently besieged by a crazy lady. (Guess which parts he kept to himself.)

Amy – overjoyed upon the delivery of her precious bagel and oblivious to her husband’s negative thoughts – sprinted to her office, spread just enough cream cheese upon the sphere of carbohydrate to achieve a tiny taste with each bite, and sat at her desk in glee. Relief was at her fingertips.

She took a bite and basked in the newfound rejuvenation, reflecting on the miracle of comforting carbs.

(OR perhaps what really happened is that she ate the bagel, felt rejuvenated for only five minutes and then realized that the second trimester has thus far been a tease. But that isn’t quite as cheerful, is it?)